Today you would have been 39 years old. Every year, we reflect on your life, celebrate the years we spent with you, and consider what life would look like for you if you were still here. Your family all agrees that you'd have a wife and kids by now. You loved kids, and they were very drawn to you. You had a casual way of teasing them; you knew they could handle it because I did as your younger sister. Our little brother Bobby was four years old when you were seventeen. You liked to teach him lessons about pinching. He'd pinch you because he thought it was funny. You pinched him back to show him it hurts. "Maybe you shouldn't pinch him," I'd say. "Maybe he shouldn't pinch me," you would retort. He stopped pinching you pretty quickly, so I guess he learned his lesson. And he really looked up to you. He wanted "spiky hair like Ian's," and then he wanted "a shaved head like Ian's." Thankfully he didn't follow the "frosted tips like Ian's" trend. It was the end of the nineties. No one judges you for those frosted tips that eventually turned orange. Well, maybe I do a little.
When I think of how you were with kids, I can't help but turn my thoughts inward. To my and Frank's baby girl coming in January. To the uncle you would have been to her. It took us three years to get pregnant, and sometimes I would joke that maybe you were hanging out with our kid, teaching her some things, making her wait until she was ready to come meet us. Making sure we were ready for her. My heart aches when I think that she won't know her Uncle Ian. But I feel comfort in knowing that somehow she does and that somehow she will know you. It's because of stories we tell, and yearly celebrations we have, to honor the life you lived. And your brief visits to me in my dreams. You're still around, in all of us who know and love you.
I feel so blessed for the lessons you taught me and continue to teach me about life, love, friendship, and throwing caution to the wind. You loved people with your whole heart, and I still feel that every day.
Happy birthday, brother bear.
Your sis,
Lauren
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| Ian and Bobby |
Miss him too. Can't help but wonder how my life would be different with Ian as an uncle to my kids. I'm sure they'd be completely obsessed with him. After all, Ian really never grew up, at least while he was alive. I'd like to think he'd still have that Never-never landish quality to him. It's what drew kids to him in the first place; the fact that he didn't really patronize or talk down to them as if they were kids, but was sure as hell ready to play with them like he was a 6'4" 8-year-old. Here's to our brother. Looking forward to celebrating him. Love you, my dear sister.
ReplyDeleteSuch a wonderful tribute, Lauren. I can't wait for our new addition! I love you, Joshua, Emily, Desi, Julian and Frank so much!!
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